Have you ever wondered why you can deeply love someone… yet still feel misunderstood? You might be cooking, helping, and showing up every day but your partner just wants to hear, “I appreciate you.”
Or you’re constantly saying sweet things but they only feel loved when you actually do something.
This is exactly what the Five Love Languages explains.
The idea, introduced by relationship counsellor Dr. Gary Chapman in his book The 5 Love Languages, suggests that people experience love in different primary ways:
- Words of Affirmation – kind, encouraging, loving words
- Quality Time – undivided attention and shared moments
- Receiving Gifts – thoughtful tokens and surprises
- Acts of Service – practical help and support
- Physical Touch – hugs, hand-holding, closeness
Most people don’t only have one but usually, one stands out as the strongest.
What Studies in America Commonly Show
While there’s no single global database, several large U.S.-based surveys give us a useful snapshot of how people tend to rank their primary love language:
| Love Language | Approximate % |
|---|---|
| Quality Time | ~31.5% |
| Physical Touch | ~27.5% |
| Acts of Service | ~15% |
| Words of Affirmation | ~15% |
| Receiving Gifts | ~11% |
In short, Americans most often say they feel loved through time and touch, while gifts usually rank lowest as a primary preference.
Why Nigerians Feel Love Differently
Now, here’s the interesting part: culture changes expression. Nigeria is deeply communal, practical, faith-influenced, and responsibility-driven. Love is often shown less with grand speeches and more with consistent effort.
Think about it:
- “Have you eaten?”
- “I’ll help you sort it out.”
- “I’ll handle it for you.”
Those are love statements in Nigerian language.
Because of this, if we adjust love language patterns to reflect Nigerian realities, the balance often looks different.
A more Nigerian-leaning estimate:
| Love Language | Estimated % |
|---|---|
| Acts of Service | ~30% |
| Receiving Gifts (Acts of Giving) | ~25% |
| Quality Time | ~20% |
| Words of Affirmation | ~15% |
| Physical Touch | ~10% |
What This Means in Real Life
- Acts of Service leads in Nigeria. Helping, showing up, fixing, paying, supporting — these are powerful love signals. For many Nigerians, love is responsibility.
- Giving matters more than people admit. A small gift isn’t about price. It says: “I thought about you.”
- Time is still valuable – With busy schedules and long commutes, intentional time feels premium.
- Words matter, but actions speak louder. Encouragement is important — but Nigerians often trust what they see more than what they hear.
- Touch is private, not absent. Affection exists, but is usually expressed more discreetly.
The Bigger Lesson
There is no “correct” love language. What feels natural in one culture may feel secondary in another.
What matters most is learning how the person you love experiences love and meeting them there.
Love grows best when effort is expressed in the language the other person understands.
